i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
