whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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