I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish my penis had a tongue
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
