So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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