new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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