I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
as a side note pls kill me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
