i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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