I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
