Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
