Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
