you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
