I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
