Too much gin, very little bucket
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
