the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
