Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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