using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
