Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
