the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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