my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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