i think my tv is drunk
Is it because I queefed?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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