also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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