loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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