I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
