I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
