we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
