Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
