I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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