The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
