If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
