i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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