I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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