I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
