he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
