community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When did angry sex become our thing?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i now understand why vodka
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
