did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
