dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
