3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
