I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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