it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
