Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
