I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
