Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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