we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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