Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
