Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
