Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
