Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
