I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
