i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
