If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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