Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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