ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
