thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
