yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize