so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
even my farts smell like vagina
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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