Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
