We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
