Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
