so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
