I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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