Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
